How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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