im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize