The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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