Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
