i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
