And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
