She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
