I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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