that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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