I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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