I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
