You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I lost the right to judge tonight
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
