Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
