Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
