we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
