She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
