420 ftw
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
