My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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