LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
