we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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