Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
