I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
