wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
