my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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