Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
where does the pee come out of this thing
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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