So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
