I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
