Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize