Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
