Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
