I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Randomize
