Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
