can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
