left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
