You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
