Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
is wine microwaveable?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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