So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
