I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
