Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
