I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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