You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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