Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
