So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
