i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize