I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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