Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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