i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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