Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
