Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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