I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize