In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
