Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize