We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
