Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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