Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
