He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
