i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Come share oat with me in your robe
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
