New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Randomize
