you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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