You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
