babies were throwing up all over the place
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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