umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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