Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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