My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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