Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
