she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
