Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
