i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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