remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
