do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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