What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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