suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
