so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
