is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
