my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My penis needs a shock collar
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize