He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
