i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
