Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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