I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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