i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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