At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
