he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
