OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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