Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
